Tuesday, January 11, 2011

It's amazing.

It's amazing how far you can get with just a smile and a nod... Sometimes just a nod.

So I've been newly single for 2 weeks.
Pretty rough the whole break-up thing, innit?
You can really coast though with just a smile and a nod. Spirits gotta stay up, right? I've been noticing how easy it is to deflect any/all speak of said break-up.
Don't get me wrong... My friends are amazing. No doubt about that. My room mate and his girlfriend take me in no questions asked. Can't beat that.

However a majority of the friends, the happy ones, don't necessarily want to get into the emotional dirt and muck that is a break-up. They love to get the details of what happened, the water cooler always pleases. The actual feelings, emotional part of it all is just a bit dirty.

I myself use the smile and nod method of things. Gotta keep appearances up, right? That's odd though. Why is that? Why when someone is grieving (I realize that I'm being a bit dramatic in using the term "grieving" to explain a break-up) do they feel the need to put on the smiley face and act as if all is well? It's expected of people. You are to grieve in silence. Outside of the public eye. Why is it important to me myself to smile and give off the "I'm okay" vibe?

That is what I don't understand. I also don't understand that little voice in my head that says "you're okay... tell them you're okay!!"
Smile and nod. Get through it. Pretend all is well.

Misery doesn't love company. Misery is actually scared shit less of being discovered.

Well fuck that.
I'm pretty miserable. Not every point in the day. Maybe just when I lay down to sleep and my head is racing... Regardless I'm not okay. Fuck you if you don't want to deal with me and my sadness...

xoxo
Jim

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