Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Notes from the Cubicle: Overtime

Ring back tones are terrible.
Absolutely horrible. It's always the last song you would want to hear while waiting to talk to someone that you don't really want to talk to who, in turn, doesn't really want to re-live their car accident over the phone with you.
The only thing worse is............

People who have their small child record their voicemail greeting.
Your little kid is screaming something inaudible into the phone and now I'm not leaving a message. You are the only one that thinks your kid is cute. Yep. It's true. Your husband? Nope. Just you.
I highly doubt you are calling yourself and leaving messages very often so just stop it.


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Notes from the Cubicle: The Post Game Show

When you begin your day by spilling coffee all over yourself as you walk in to work the day will be terrible.

Trust me.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Notes from the Cubicle Volume 2: Rebellion vs. The Alarm Clock

I actually work at work these days. It's unreal. and not very fun.

There's board members here for a visit today. They're in from the UK and everyone is making a big deal about it.
I've been here for going on 3 years and I have never met a board member.
I don't even know what they do, who they are, what they look like, why I have to clean my desk to impress them and more importantly why I do not get to wear jeans to work today like I usually do.

I'm going to quote Aesop Rock here:
We the American working population hate the fact that 8 hours a day is wasted on chasing a dream of someone that isn't us and we may not hate our jobs but we hate jobs in general that don't have to do with fighting our own causes.

That's just in light of the faceless "board members" that benefit from my hard work and come to visit every 3rd year.


Monday, October 11, 2010

Thoughts from the Cubile Volume 1: How do you say...

Why do people, when unsure of pronunciation of a word and/or name do they decide to attempt and fail to pronounce it a number of times?

They don't know how to pronounce the last name of the person they are looking to speak with so they just change the vowels sounds randomly or make a random letter silent.
Always fun. Always effective... An effective way to get me to put you through to some one's voice mail to make sure you don't speak with them immediately.
Hopefully you will listen to how they pronounce their last name in their greeting and remember it.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Where oh where could my baby be?

Dear Phone,

It's me Jim!
How are you?
I gotta tell you Phone, you have me pretty worried. I mean, I haven't seen you in a while and usually we're inseparable.
I've been tearing up my new apartment looking for you. Are you here? See there's lots of boxes here filled with "our" stuff that used to be "my" or "her" stuff.
I've checked under the bed. I looked inside Recliner and I don't think she enjoyed the search all that much. She did know where Hair Tie and Nail File were... That's cool but I really wanted to see you.
I looked under Bed and in between her sheets. You weren't there...
I laid on the floor in the middle of this semi empty apartment to get a different perspective and I couldn't find you.
I have this weird feeling you might be sitting in the car. Lonely. Cold. Listening to the rain drops kiss the windshield...
Let me re-trace our day:

I saw you this morning. I remember you vibrating letting me know it was time to wake up even though you're only supposed to do that during the week and today is Saturday.

I then brought you along to the mall... Who doesn't love the mall???!!! The girl and I were looking for some stuff for the new apartment. We bought a modem and wireless router so we finally have the internet in this place... That's a good thing.
But I'm getting side tracked......

We then went to check out some couches... I know you didn't take a seat in one of those because a) They were all ugly as shit so we didn't even think about getting one of them and b) I had you by my side when we went to get lunch.

I remember checking what time it was with you when I was on my way home because the girl was a bit worried about the time and getting to work.

I set up the modem and internet router and that's the last time I saw you.
I miss you.
I hopefully will you see you in the car tomorrow when it's a bit lighter and more opportune to search beneath the seats in there.

For now I'm going to sit back and sip some beers. All sad-like mourning you like an ex-lover I can't get over.

Wish you were here,