Tuesday, April 20, 2010

In regards to myself

Wow. I haven't been spending any time on here lately...
Quickly here as I'm on BL number 8 without a substantial dinner and it is time to pass out...
Must tell you, blog. Things are a-brewin.
Can't talk about it now but it's serious...
I'll holler at ya when I have time for more than just a type and run.


Thursday, April 15, 2010

The ratio of people to cake...

Hey blog.
Man, it's late. I'm beat.
I've been super busy at work and it's unreal.
I'm not going to complain about work... Nope... I am, however, going to try and figure the solution to a bit of a conundrum.
See, I am a pretty nice guy in general. Outgoing and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I can often be heard saying "he/she means well" when people get to shit talking about other people at work... I feel like for the most part people do mean well. No one does shit that is annoying specifically to annoy someone, right? They are just trying to fit in or get some attention. The latter of which I will not defend someone for. When Patricia comes up to me and starts annoying me with nonsense about how Emily is banging Gary she doesn't KNOW that she's being annoying. No. She thinks she's fitting and possibly doing me a favor by passing her knowledge (read: assumptions) in to the latest "who's blowing loads on who's back in the executive conference room" game at work.

This is annoying but again she doesn't know it.
What do I do? Oh, I sit there and probably work through her storytelling occasionally glancing over, giving a nod or possibly even maybe a laugh. So Patricia starts coming to me more often with more "info." Then Cynthia comes by and decides to start telling me how she saw Patricia talking to me and while, Patricia is nice, she's a total bitch. Cynthia now starts telling me how she heard from Rob that Patricia said that her ass looked fat today. Then after Cynthia leaves Antonio comes over and asks if I'm close with Cynthia because her ass looks good today and I should put in the good word for him so he can stuff that. Finally my manager comes over and says something along the lines of "I see all you fuckers talking all day long. Hope you have enough time to actually finish your work."

You know who doesn't have to deal with this? The loner. This guy is a fucking mongoloid. Not literally but in the office social chain sense. You can come to him with some gossip and maybe he says something like, "Unless this is about the TPS reports I don't have time for a conversation." Maybe he just picks up the phone and ignores the person.
Maybe he smells like shit and is all greasy and looks like he showers once every other week. No one bothers that guy with the social goings on of the workplace.

Alright, so the dirty, greasy guy might be a bit over the top just to get people to quit bugging me but I envy that guy sometimes. Who I really envy is the I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-your-gossip-I'm-putting-in-my-eight-hours-and-leaving guy. I myself am a typical social being that himself needs some attention. Also, I am programmed to feel bad if I'm stuck in the corner eating my bag lunch all by myself while all these people are suddenly gossiping about me.
I want a bit of attention from the new, hot girl. Am I going to be banging her up against a urinal after work is over? No. I'm just programmed to want to be accepted and liked. Sometimes it angers me.
Whatever. I think I'm not going to shower tomorrow and stop wearing deodorant to see if I can start phasing out the annoying people.

In the real world I made sushi for the first time yesterday. It was just okay but it seems like one of those things that you get better at the more you try it.
I'm on my 7th Bud Light and that sniveling, nerdy, prick face Alton Brown is on my TV on the Food Network. Out of all the Food Network "stars" he's my least favorite. Stop trying to educate me. He doesn't even show his boobs
Gotta go. I've got to sleep to prepare for the grind that will be tomorrow.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Something I'm not.

Right now I'm drinking my 5th Bud Light and killing time before getting some free beers served to be from my girlfriend at an AMAZING bar
I went with my girlfriend to Glenn's Diner (I had a lobster roll and she had the crab cake eggs benedict) on Saturday and the weather was great. We sat outside and then took a stroll around the Ravenswood neighborhood in Chicago. It was great. She stopped in to an antique shop and got a lovely little necklace. We browsed some lovely old houses and great looking new condos... Then it all hit me. I have absolutely no idea of when and how I would ever find myself owning a home in a neighborhood that does not have crime cameras, gunshots ringing and drug dealers slanging all within a stone's throw.

Then I read bad sandwich chronicles this morning. Couple that with just having finished "Never Let Me Go" and I really feel like I've got to get my shit together.
I really gotta take a chance. I don't want to be a fucking robot sitting behind a desk all day producing some shit that will never in any way effect more than five people.

In other news I received a sushi kit in the mail. I'm going to start making my own sushi. We'll see how that goes.
I am now starting to read the novel "White Teeth" by Zadie Smith. We'll see how that goes.
I'm going to start working out and get rid of this gut. We'll see how that goes.
I'm going to stop being late to work. We'll see that goes.

I'm going to stop blogging now.
I'm done.
Going to chug a beer and then head over by the girl to drink some more. Soon will be drunk and any/all worries will be a mile away. Then I wake up.
Fuck me.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I can disappear any time I want to, any time I need to.

I'm going to see Motion City Soundtrack at the House of Blues tonight. So that title is pretty funny because it's the chorus to their current single but also related to the fact that I post on such an irregular basis in this spot, lately... What's that you say? It actually isn't funny and/or clever if I have to explain it? Damn.

Well, not much is new...
I'm getting fatter and still not running.
I'm working harder and still making shit money.
I'm drinking more and still kind of have a general anxiety that my life is headed down the pooper.

I've really had an anxiety lately that is just general and over-the-top. The other day I had this dread that was really fucking my brain, hard. I got home and had this feeling that was doing my head in that I had left something that was very integral to my plans for the night (drinking and watching the Blackhawks game) at work. I don't know what it was. I had left my novel I'm currently reading in the car but that wasn't it. I never figured it out and after a couple beers and the Blackhawks win the feeling was gone but fuck me if it didn't really gnaw at me for a couple hours.

I think my general anxiety and feeling of dread is just because I'm getting older. I'm at the age in which I can no longer pin my shortcomings and disappointments on anyone else. I'm where I'm at because of the things I've done and choices I've made. I have only myself to blame/thank for where I'm at. I think once I started to realize this little by little (this began at age 25) is when I started to feel like I'm just fucked in general when it comes to life.
I am now, at this point in my life, trying to reverse all the fear, self-loathing, apathy and anxiety. So I am attempting to plan out the future, save some cash and shape the clay in to something that's not an ashtray that sits on the end table unused. The girl helps with that. I mean I have a future in which I'm starting to plan for and it's with a pretty awesome girl too, so that helps.

Ugh. I feel defeated just typing that shit.
Re-focusing now...
I was woke up today by the garbage men today banking dumpsters off the brick outside my bedroom... This maddens me to no end but my favorite blog really put it all in to perspective for me. That gave me a good smile and laugh.

Other things that are making me smile currently:
Motion City Soundtrack's discography
The novel "Never Let Me Go" by Kazuo Ishiguro
The collected stories of Raymond Carver - "Where I'm Calling From"
The Chicago Blackhawks
The Chicago White Sox
The Easter bunny, his gifts and leftovers from his dinner
My girlfriend, my room mate, my friend Ang
The prospect of making sushi on my own at home
Ricky Gervais

In closing I think this was a solid return, blog. I mean, I formed a list, spewed about almost breaking down and talked about how awesome my girlfriend is... Yep. Solid!

Oh, also the other day I had a dream that I was living out the plot of "Never Let Me Go" by Kazuo Ishiguro with Kristen Stewart. Odd.
I gotta get to work and then go enjoy the synth tinged styling of Motion City Soundtrack.
See ya out there!


Thursday, April 1, 2010


Woah. It has been over a week since I put thoughts to a keyboard and recorded it here. Unbelievable. I've been really busy with work and am currently fighting a cold. OH! There is also that thing called Final Fantasy XIII that has commanded a lot of my attention.

It's April Fools Day. I am not really playing any jokes. My only prank was switching all the buttons on the keyboard of a dude that sits across from me. The joke was really on me because after getting all the keys off the amount of dust and dead skin under all the keys made me want to vomit. Ugh.
So what's new with you, blog? Great.

I read this article today.
You're not going to read it. Okay. I'll explain.
Seems that scholars, parents and watchdog groups think that Ronald McDonald should retire. Seems he promotes child obesity. One Raj Potal is quoted in the article saying, "Ronald McDonald may wear a big smile, but hit boots are steel-tipped."
Michele Simon with the Martin Institute says, "McDonald's is really skirting on treacherous legal ground when they target children as young as 3 years old, as Ronald the clown clearly does."
Give me a fucking break! Honestly this buck passing is such horse shit that I can't even stomach it anymore. Listen, last time I checked 3 year old children aren't going to McDonald's and forking over cash for a Happy Meal, are they? Nope. It's the parents who are driving down the street kids in tow that drive thru to pick up a artery clogger with a toy.
I understand that there's a larger issue here with the fact that some parents have to work around the clock in this shitty economy to put food on the table and with the cost and time it takes to make a good home cooked meal it's not worth for the to NOT buy something fast and cheap. I get that. I would never shit talk those parents or question what they decide to feed their children. However, I think these other high and mighty dildos should leave the clown alone.
McDonald's Corporation responded explaining that the Ronald McDonald House charities has helped over 4 million children so the clown's giving back. He paid his dues leave him alone.

It's just the passing of the buck here that pisses me off. You don't want children to be obese, fat and die then don't feed them this shit. They're not sneaking off any buying it on there own. Get them outside and off the TV. Or, and I love this one, set an example for them. I don't know how many times you see the obese kids and every one's all upset for them but the parent is a huge fat ass themselves. Well, that's because as you're eating triple whoppers four at a time you can't really tell your kids to eat their veggies, can you? Nope.

Again, the passing of the buck upsets me.
In other news I do not plan on being one of those parents constantly shoving fast food down my kids throat... Oh no. I mean, I'm nervous sure but I think I'll be a great dad!!!
Be safe out there.