Holy moses, blog. I'm a wreck.
I called in to work yesterday. I was drunk beside my mind on both Friday and Sunday.
I drunkenly shaved my face Sunday night. Wow. This is yielding all types of responses from "super cute" all the way to people just laughing in my face. Spur of the moment type thing which looking back upon, might have been a bad idea. The girl is a bit disappointed. Well, not disappointed but it's a change. Something to get used to, right? I mean she brought this up to me yesterday. She had only seen me with a clean shave in pictures. I mean in the time we've been dating I've always had some sort of facial hair. Regardless, there's an adjustment period there right?
Speaking of the girl she brought up something last night, albeit while she was drunk, about the way we look at things differently. I mean, she's a planner. While she changes her mind and plans frequently, she is a planner. She's probably got about the next 5 years of her life mapped out. Paths and street names change on that map all the time but it's there and at worst it is a reference point of where she wants to be in life in general.
What's different is the way I look at life. She knows me well enough to know that I am not so much the planner type. Last night she referred to it as having a "high school type outlook on life." I can only imagine that she would have used a different phrasing if not drunk and so bold. You know, you get drunk do a little shooting from the hip and say things as they pop in to your head filter-free.
I understand her point. I believe I do, maybe, lack a vision of the future. I am kind of an in-the-moment type cat. I can't be bothered worrying about tomorrow because it's possible that I won't even be breathing tomorrow. Also, it may be something that is in the back of my head that is whispering "Hey, dickhole. Pssst up here. Why are you setting up these goals that you aren't going to meet. How about you worry about getting through today and not have live with the impending doom of failing at what you have been envisioning for a year?" You know a kind of if I don't plan, I can't fail attitude. Shitty, right? Well not for me. That's just how I and my brain operate. There's also the way of looking at my point of view as really living. This may just be a convenient way of me justifying my fear of committing to something in the future because it all might fall to shit. To me though, the worrying about tomorrow gets in the way of today. I like living day by day.
This all really comes down to my girlfriend and I moving in together when our leases are up in October. See she is doing all this planning and I'm kind of taking the position that we are not going to be looking at apartments now so I'm not going to worry about it.
Ugh. At the end of the day I hope that our differing outlook on life in general and the future just balances us both out. Regardless I'm going to keep living for the day and just letting shit roar. That might be my way of being a coward and having a hippy-like carefree attitude since it's "all cool, bro" that none of my plans are failing because I'm not making any.
My baby-faced self has to get lunch.
Keep it real out there.