Thursday, January 7, 2010

Whips, chains, my grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger...

Well holy brrrrr.
The weather outside is absolutely frightening, innit?
The midwest is getting pounded with snow and it's not supposed to let up. We're looking at about 6-10 inches but they're claiming we may see up to a full foot. Ugh.
I can tell you right now that I would never want to work outside in this crap.... Ohhhhhhh. See what I did there? That is a segue, as we call it in the biz.

Segue to what? You ask, blog. PAY ATTENTION.
Man, I realize I missed a day but aren't you starving every day for the words typed out here? Yeah, you better be. Apology accepted. Now here's your list.

Jobs I would never want:

Anything outside - Kind of broad, I realize. This is also probably specific to my living in the midwest. If/when I get famous as a published author/actor/both and I move to Cali this could all totally change. My broseph works for the city of Chicago, streets and sanitation department and it's a great job. I do NOT envy him at all, that is for sure. Wow. Drama, (that's the brother) you are a better man than me. This is because you do not complain every second you get about having to work outside in this white fury falling from the sky.

Musician - I love music. Honestly. Talking about it. Writing it. Listening to it. I enjoy sharing it with others. However, I would not want it to become a job. J-O-B. Once you attach a job title to something it immediately becomes a chore of some sort, no? I would love to do it on the side as something fun/interesting. Maybe even start one of those myspace pages where I stream music to the masses. Honestly though, I'd never want it to be a JOB. So, that's kind of a bluff. I mean, I would love to make most of my income via music that I write and perform but would never want to consider it a job.

Porno Star - So many guys say this would be their dream job without thinking of it. Really think about it. Yes there are appeals. There is, sure. I mean the endless line of woman you get to bang/get to bang you. What? Listen. Just like music as listed above. I would NEVER want sex to become a chore. I fancy myself a pretty confident young man but doubt that I could survive a director yelling me at because I'm not doing something right.
Huh? Really? That was my best stuff, pal.
Not to mention the fact that I feel it'd be real easy to capitulate my sexual preferences and what gets me off. I feel like after enough of it I'd need a director yelling at me/girl faking stimulation/camera man up my ass to enjoy sex at all.
You don't bleach your anus? Ewwww. You depraved little girl! Untie yourself, place all whips/spikes/14 inch dildos on the dresser where you got them & leave locking the door behind you...
Worse, it's possible I'd just not be bothered at even trying. I don't go home and try adjusting insurance claims. See where I'm going with this one? Sure ya do. Okay.

Personal Assistant - Listen, I get people all day telling me to do this/that. Like any other corporate drone I do as I'm told, complain under my breath and fake a smile. Being a PA has always seemed like the biggest shit shoveling fest ever. Throw housekeeper in here as well. Couldn't do it. There's only so much shit I will allow to be dumped on me. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

Professional Blogger - Go ahead. Laugh. I don't write this fucking thing for depraved, pimply little fuckers to figure out who the next person they should be inappropriately obsessed with in Hollywood. Anything that would put me in to the same category as that absolute dildo Perez Hilton I do not want. Listen, I understand that when this thing goes viral & I'm running dustyfloors dot com we will all look back at this and laugh. Everyone will throw their stones & I will defend it with how I just feel that what I need to say should make its way to a broader audience and am just doing it for my fans. Don't believe that shit. I've sold the fuck out and am a miserable prick that is probably drug addicted and a tad suicidal.

Man. I just can't believe that fucking weather out there. It's only going to get worse. Fuck me running.
Well, in other news with all the terrible weather and traffic I still did not get a parking ticket this morning and was even 5 minutes early in to work. Take that 2010!
Let's hope this continues.

See ya on the flipside

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