Thursday, December 3, 2009

Deep breath...... And..... Blow out all those candles!!!

Wow. Well happy birthday to me.
It's actually not until tomorrow but I have plans and I think I'm going to skip all the self loathing on the day of my birth. I will be stuck at work though, so who knows...

First, I would like to congratulate Potbelly Sandwich Co.
You guys have really crafted a winner.
I just had their Turkey Rae for lunch. Turkey, coleslaw, 1000 island dressing. Man. Delicious!
Also, it was a web order and I put my name as Voltron.
Upon picking it up the girl then verified that I was Voltron. Almost hard to believe I'm turning 26.

Well, I just got a text from my cousin wishing me a happy birthday & asking my plans. A day early but hey, at least he's making an effort, right?

Tomorrow... The big day.
I gotta tell ya I'm feeling old in the simple fact that I'm not planning an "apocalypse is upon us" type event. I'm coming in to work during the day. The girl will be doing the same & then it's off to a sushi dinner and a burlesque show. Oh yeah! It's the group that I've seen previously with the girlfriend. I think I've mentioned that in here but can't be certain... Hmmmm... Regardless, sushi, beer, 1/2 naked women.... Successful birthday on paper, no?
I think so.

Also, I've got good news for ya blog. You know that phone I mentioned in this space yesterday? The one that took a bit of a swim in the toilet. Well it has been resuscitated. Oh yeah. Left that guy in a bowl of rice over night & the rice sucked the moisture right out. It's running smooth as ever & does not even smell like fecal matter!

Ugh. I'm tired today. I'm getting a cold that was probably given to me by my girlfriend. She's so generous! So my sinuses are a mess & in turn I feel like I'm using 50% of my brain...

This calls for something to fill this space easily.
It's list time.

So I can't turn on sports radio without hearing about this dude, Tiger.
Seems he's in some hot water....
Here's what you MUST do in any type of situation of infidelity.
Take this with a grain of salt though as I'm not even married and could totally just be talking shit here....

There are 2 keys to successfully cheating

1. The other party must have a significant other. You married? She better be to, pal! Honestly, if you've got a wife that you want to NEVER find out about what's going down there had better be a comparable person in this woman's life. If she has less to lose from this extra marital affair you are fucked in half. It'll be over before it leaves the ground.

2. The other party must be of the same social and/or economic status. Hey senator, do you really think that this bus boy at the local brew pub isn't going to rat you out the second he learns how to speak English?! The CEO of Merrill Lynch never decides to step out with that cute, red headed, slightly chubby, slightly cock eyed, fake breasted, freckled waitress from Hooters. The scales can not be tipped that much. There has to be a balance as far as salary is concerned otherwise he/she will sell you out faster than you can offer her that Tiffany bracelet.

May I just suggest that you not cheat at all? Guys. Ladies. C'mon now. We're not animals. We mate for life.
I myself would never even think about it!!! NEVER!!!
Also, my girlfriend reads this blog. Heh. Love ya, hun.

Honestly, though. If it's that bad dump the person you're with & go bang all the skanky trolls you want. Don't be a pussy & just deal with what comes from the break up. Better for everyone in the end. Then you can stop doing it up against the urinal in a rest stop bathroom.

Stay fly.

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