That's what I've been doing at work today. Just recently stumbled on to this website and I absolutely love it. See, 8 hours desk job = lots of internet time killing. Such as the words typed here. I just can't get in to the groove today. Usually at work the time killing is saved until later in the day when the phone calls slow down & people start to file out. This week though, not happening. I'm just wasting time all day. I mean I am getting things done but really just the minimum to get through the day. It sucks. I feel good when I'm productive but the changes going on at this place leave me with the general feeling of not being able to muster up any drive to do something when it will not be acknowledged and certainly will not further my status here.
Ugh. I really gotta get a new job.
I was talking to the room mate this morning & he was telling me how he just hates going to his job in the morning. While it's not that serious for me, I do notice when I get here and see everything around me that gives me the reason to hate this place I feel that hatred bubbling up.
As I'm typing this my iPod is playing at my desk in the little radio I have for it & it's playing the Butch Walker song "Uncomfortably Numb." The chorus is "I've gotta get out of Los Angeles. I've gotta get Los Angeles out of me."
I think that relates to this place kind of.
I mean I've gotta get out of this place. I think, however, I won't have the drive to do so until I "get this place outta me." Does that make sense? I mean I have friends here and I know all the procedures and how to handle the claims. It's kind of comfortable. Until, I get the ease of the normal day to day here I may have the fire under my ass to get out of here and improve my overall situation.
See, this is where I should be slapped in the fucking mouth. I come on this thing here and generally just complain about how this place sucks and all that but what have I done to change my situation? Not a god damned thing. So now I'm sitting here half doing my job half typing this out and listening to my neighbor complain about the dude she's currently dating.
I find it amazing how some people can just chat aimlessly at you even though you show absolutely no interest in what is being said. That's a fucking talent, ain't' it? I make it known through body language that I don't care. If I'm not turning around to face you as you chat me up what gives you the impression that I care?
I've found that I can just call someone on a file and usually when I start handling that call the chatter stops.... Only temporarily though. Once I hang that phone up we're back to discussing weekend plans. Awesome.
Fuck me. That's it. After the holidays I'm done. I'm absolutely pursuing something else job wise. I don't care if it's not in the field of insurance that I'm used to and have been in for the past 8 years. I could use being thrown into a new/unfamiliar setting, I think.
No doubt though, that this place is not going to do shit for me. Since I'm barely doing shit for this place then we should probably call it a day, no?
Ugh. I feel defeated.
In other news the Sheperd's Pie was delicious. The girlfriend helped out quite a bit, thankfully because I'm still kinda clueless in the kitchen.
Got leftovers for lunch today. Only an hour now until I get to enjoy that and have a half hour of peace before grinding out my last 5 hours at this place. Fuck.