Well goodness gracious.
It's Friday - 5pm.
This is what I anticipate all week long. Here it is. Yet, I sit thinking that I am kinda depressed in the fact that I really have nothing planned. I am going to deposit a check, pay some bills, do laundry and then go to my girlfriends job & drink some beers at an employee discount.
Not exactly a balls out Friday night. I suppose this could be partially attributed to the fact that I have a cold but I think more so (and this is the part that bums me out/makes me a bit anxious) it is because I'm a 25 year old man.
I remember getting just absolutely crazy about Fridays. I mean I'd be out all night Thursday come straight to work still fucked in half from the night before, on no sleep and then pound some Red Bull and be right back at by 7pm on Friday. Now, I need a fucking nap before I can let shit really roar on a Friday because the work week has kicked my ass.
I still feel that I'm quite the trooper and I can still hold my own. I mean, it wasn't too long ago that I had a night in which I puked and rallied, (this is the art of being so drunk (or just drinking the absolute terrible drinks/shots that other people order for you) that you are sick. Hit the bathroom, puke and come back to begin drinking again, usually, not letting anyone know of what just occurred.) ate food not remembering aside from the wrappers strewn about in the morning and had visible bruising/cuts from a fall I don't remember. This can all be attributed to Jameson, probably. Whiskey makes me awesome but only for a brief period of time. Then I get a little too awesome and my brain has to break contact with the awesomeness that my body is doling out, therefore, I black out.
Getting back to the topic. I feel old. This bothers me.
Honestly, I'm looking at the things that I'm excited about for this weekend and it gives me a certain anxiety I can't put my finger on.
Okay, so tonight I'm doing laundry. Awesome. Not looking forward to that so much. However, then I get to see my girlfriend. Who I find amazing. However, that shows a maturity right there, doesn't it? I remember swearing I'd never have a girlfriend simply because it's too easy to pull tail from the bars that I couldn't be committed. (Let's not get this twisted I'm no pick up artist or anything. It's probably an even split between pigs and hotties that I've done and probably leaning more toward the piggies.) So, having a girlfriend that I enjoy spending time with is a sign of growing up right there.
Saturday. Well, I talked to a friend I haven't seen in a while & we discussed how our crew hasn't drank together in a while. This guy is in my phone as "Brother #2" why haven't I seen him in a while!? We used to fuck it up Tue-Sun. Why do we have to make a call to even try and catch up. Ugh. We figure that we'll be texting the others in our group to get something together... We're making plans for this shit. Usually you'd drive down to a bar, see someone from the group & shit just materializes... Making plans is for old people. I'm old.
Don't get me wrong, I realize I've got some good time left before my hips are snapping & I'm shitting my diapers while my son is crying in the corner because his father doesn't remember who he is.
I just think that when you can take a step out of yourself and see the growing up happening little by little it's pretty fucking depressing...
I'm going to try and cheer shit up next week. This is bumming me out just typing it.
But til then, keep rocking your Depends.